George Bullard's Journey

Your Congregation May Never Experience Unhealthy Conflict If It Proactively Addresses Finances

Just as in marriages, one of the top three sources of conflict is money; so, if a congregation is struggling financially, this provides an open door for unhealthy conflict. Congregations with careless processes for handling finances are subject to unhealthy conflict. Congregations with finances that are too tight are subject to unhealthy conflict. Congregations who have over committed their finances to fixed costs are subject to unhealthy conflict. Congregations where a few people control the finances around their personal priorities are subject to unhealthy conflict. Congregations where information about the finances is hidden are subject to unhealthy conflict.

When congregational participants start withholding their contributions it is a sign of intensity four conflict where the conflict situation is transitioning from healthy to unhealthy. When congregational participants lose confidence in how the finances of the congregation are being handled it is a sign of moving from healthy to unhealthy conflict. When congregational participants see that their personal top priorities for congregational finances cut out of the budget and spending patterns it is a sign of approaching unhealthy conflict; at least with their persons.

Your Congregation May Never Experience Unhealthy Conflict If It Focuses on Having Fun Together

Congregations who regularly have fun with one another are healthier congregations emotionally. Laughing together has great benefits for worshiping and ministering together. Just as laughter is good for the health of individuals, laughter is great for the health of congregations. It can even be said that congregations who laugh together stay together. While it is actually not that simple, it is at least a huge step in the right direction.

An early sign that congregations are about to get in trouble is when they can no longer laugh with, and even at, one another. Or, if humor has an edge to it, rather than being innocent fun and is used to cover up true feelings, this may be an early sign of escalating conflict. People may use humor with an edge as a test to see if they can make sharper comments and get away with it.

Your Congregation May Never Experience Unhealthy Conflict If It Focuses on Adult Discipleship Development

Congregations who focus deeply on adult discipleship development and make it the highest possible value are unlikely to experience unhealthy conflict. Such adult discipleship development includes discernment and development of the spiritual gifts, life skills, and personality preferences of its congregational participants.  It then mobilizes people in mission and ministry within and beyond their immediate context.

If this adult discipleship development process is impactful the congregation will be too much on mission to be disrupted by unhealthy conflict. It will realize it has more important things to do than determine who is right. It is too busy doing what is good and loving. It is also likely to be captivated by an empowering vision for the congregation which is one of the greatest inoculations against experiencing unhealthy conflict.

Your Congregation May Never Experience Unhealthy Conflict If It Develops a Prayer Culture

Develop an ongoing prayer culture in the life and ministry of the congregation in which members pray for one another, pray for the life and ministry of the congregation, pray for the clergy and lay leaders, and pray that the Evil One will find no place of comfort in this congregation. Congregations who earnestly pray for one another find they have less they dislike about one another and more they love and appreciate. For this to happen it is necessary for congregational participants to use their power to bless one another by a willingness to openly pray for the welfare of one another.

It is extremely difficult for people within a congregation who become genuine dialogue and prayer partners to then dislike one another or argue with one another in a manner that exhibits extreme anger. It is easy for people to exhibit extreme anger towards one another when they do not really know one another, do not want to know one another, do not have in-depth dialogue with one another, and never take advantage of the opportunity to pray together. It is sad, but true, that such attitudes can exist in congregations among those who claim they love the Lord.

Your Congregation May Never Experience Unhealthy Conflict If It Learns How to Embrace Diversity

Congregations should learn how to embrace diversity of viewpoints, theology, culture, socioeconomics, birth generations, and tenure consistent with their core ideology. A decreasing number of congregations are composed of people with just one dominant viewpoint. For example, many congregations were once composed of a majority of people who had only been connected with churches affiliated with one denomination for their entire lives. Now congregations are composed of people of up to a dozen denominational backgrounds, and may not always have a majority who come from the denomination of the congregation’s historic affiliation.

If there is a majority denominational heritage represented in congregations, it is generally made possible by a super majority of people who have been connected with the congregation more than ten years who come from a single denominational heritage. Newer people tend to come from various denominational backgrounds and no one denominational heritage is a majority. This is one perspective on how conflict can increase between people with long-tenure and those with short-tenure in congregations.

Your Congregation May Never Experience Unhealthy Conflict If They Learn How to Not Escalate Conflict

All congregational leaders need to learn how not to fall into the trap of escalating conflict unnecessarily. Too many pastors, staff ministers, and laypersons do this. An earlier factor focused on their patterns. Let’s focus in this post on lay leaders.

A key issue for lay leaders is that they tend to bring into the dynamics of the congregation things going on with them outside the congregation. Some of these are personal or family related. Some of these are related to their employment or career. Some are related to politics and culture. In these arenas they may or may not be in charge or in control of their destiny. But, in their congregation they believe they can impact the direction.

Your Congregation May Never Experience Unhealthy Conflict If They Follow Well-Written Governing Documents

Congregations need well-written governing documents and policies that activate to deal with any approaching unhealthy conflict situations. Such documents can suggest how congregations proactively handle situations of conflict that arises that cannot be handled between the people or within the groups who are involved in the conflict. Healthy congregations have positive policies and procedures. Unhealthy congregations have punitive policies and procedures.

One dimension of policies should include a voluntary process for people or groups to access to resolve conflict within the congregation. This would tend to be for times and places where the conflict is at a healthy intensity. A second dimension of policies should include a mandatory process when conflict between individuals and groups is approaching an unhealthy intensity and mediation is required. Both dimensions should include policies and procedures consistent with biblical principles, involve prayerful discernment more than committee or congregational decision-making, focus around principles rather than positions or personalities, and offer full respect for all persons involved.

Your Congregation May Never Experience Unhealthy Conflict If Ministers Have a Future Story

Senior or solo pastors and staff ministers need to have a personal mission statement and future story of their ministry that projects beyond their current place of service, is not dependent on it, and definitely sees beyond any current conflict situation. It is essential they are able to place the current dynamics of their congregation in perspective to their overall ministry, and not to be dependent on their current ministry setting to demonstrate the total worth and value of their ministry.

Why is this necessary? First, for congregations to never experience unhealthy conflict again it is essential for them to have a clear core ideology involving mission, purpose, and theological and cultural values, a magnetic God-given vision, and an appealing future story for the life and ministry of their congregation into which they are seeking to live. Second, it is difficult for senior or solo pastors and staff ministers to lead congregations to have a core ideology, vision, and future story if they have not worked through a similar process for their own life and ministry. Third, ministers must have a long view of their ministry that emerges out of their spiritual call to ministry and is not dependent on the success or failure of their current place of ministry.

Your Congregation May Never Experience Unhealthy Conflict If Ministers Have a BAMP

Senior or solo pastors and staff ministers need a BAMP. This stands for a Best Alternative Ministry Placement. It means if the current conflict situation does not work out, what is the best alternative ministry placement for each minister to continue in Christian ministry service? The goal of having a BAMP is to empower senior or solo pastors and staff ministers to engage conflict creatively and without reckless actions that could permanently damage their personhood and ministerial career. This can happen when they do not feel cornered or trapped, and know what they would do if they need to jettison from the current ministry situation. A BAMP can keep pastors and staff ministers from escalating conflict to an unhealthy intensity.

Conflict can be like trying to herd an alley cat. It a cat feels trapped in an alley with no apparent alternative, it will fight in violent and nasty ways. It is also likely to get hurt or killed. If, however, it has an alternative or an escape, it will remain in the fight and engage other cats differently. It can stand its ground without feeling the need to attack. It can retreat if it looks like a resolution to the potential fight cannot be reached.

Your Congregation May Never Experience Unhealthy Conflict If It Seeks Coaching for Its Staff

Senior or solo pastors and staff ministers need coaching by an outside third-party by the time conflict reaches intensity three of seven intensities. Pastors and staff ministers have a deep investment in their ministry in a congregation. It is their calling, their career, they employment, their sense of personal satisfaction, their sense of accomplishment, their reputation, and their security—among others things. As a result, they can overreact to conflict situations and unintentionally escalate conflict. At times their own emotion kicks into high gear before a vast majority of their leaders.

The insertion of a coach by intensity three conflict with for the pastor or staff members and a few individuals or a small group in the congregation both raises the capacity of the pastor, staff, and leaders to handle conflict and also keeps the conflict from escalating to an unhealthy intensity. However, just like laypersons in general, pastors and staff ministers in particular are hesitant to ask for outside assistance. They are often afraid if their formal denominational system is aware they asked for outside assistance for conflict it will tarnish their image and impact the potential of their ministry.  Ego also plays a part. They do not want to admit they cannot handle their own congregational conflict.